It starts off with good intentions. But intentions don’t give a shit. You don’t get anywhere by intending to do something. You just… do it.
So yeah, intentions don’t give a shit about you or your feelings or your goals or your dreams. They don’t care about your family, your friends, your career, or your passions.
You know what does give a shit? Action.
Action gives a shit.
So what are you going to do?
What kind of life do you want to live?
No, seriously. Ask yourself that question.
What kind of life do I want to live?
People don’t talk to themselves enough.
Actually, scratch that. People don’t talk to themselves in a way that inspires action.
They do the opposite, really.
They tear themselves down.
They put themselves in awful scenarios that leads them away from their goals.
They do things that hinder their progress.
Worse, they beat others down. They put others in horrible scenarios.
They make others stray away from their goals.
It’s a problem.
But problems have solutions.
Doing what’s good for you is the hardest lesson you’ll learn.
But damn it, is it the best thing you will ever teach yourself.
Let’s begin.
How To Stop Doing Toxic Sh*t
I think we’ve all been toxic with ourselves at some point in our lives. If you think you haven’t, read this list of scenarios and ask yourself, “Have I done this before?”
You engage with family members, friends, acquaintances who are toxic to your well-being.
You binge watch hours of The Office instead of taking care of that super important thing you have to do.
You constantly eat terrible foods that should only be enjoyed in moderation instead of exercising your mind and your body to build strength, resilience, and self-esteem.
You waste your time talking to someone who clearly doesn’t give a shit about you.
You smoke/drink every single day.
You lie to yourself.
You lie to others.
You make promises that you don’t keep.
The list goes on and on…
I will bet $100 that every single person who reads this has done at least one of the things off this list. I’m that confident about it.
Why?
Well, because we’re human, and being human means that we are perfectly imperfect.
It’s not our fault, but it is our responsibility.
So where do we go from here?
I’ve been there before with all of those things.
And I’m finally at a place where I can talk about my three-step process.
So if you want to know how I did it/am doing it, please keep reading.
#1 Tell Others You’re Being Toxic
They say the first step is the hardest. And sure, maybe that’s true, but for me this is the easiest one. I find it easy because this step doesn’t require you to do anything other than to just open up and talk about it.
It doesn’t have to be with anyone specific—yet. It just has to be with somebody who is unaware of your situation and will offer you a genuine opinion. And thanks to the Internet and social media, that’s just about everybody in this got damn world.
Beware: You do NOT want to tell someone who is going to make things worse. Don’t think about this cautionary tip for too long. If you even have to question it, do not tell them. Tell someone else. Not everybody will be neutral towards what you have to say. Common sense, I know, but I thought I should mention it.
Talking to somebody else is therapeutic, whether they understand where you’re coming from or not. Remember, this is your problem, not theirs. Don’t get your panties in a bunch if they don’t understand where you’re coming from. Your sole purpose here is to talk.
Trust me, doing this alone will instantly clear your mind and make you feel so much better about your situation.
Oh, and I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet…
Step #1 does not require any responsibility.
Meaning, you do not have to own up to anything. This is not the time to say “I did XYZ” or “I have allowed for XYZ to happen and I will not stand for it anymore.”
All that is required of you is to speak your truth.
That’s it.
#2 Listen
After you’ve expressed how you feel about the situation—bitch, it’s time for you to listen.
There is no right or wrong here. There is no space to agree or disagree.
The only space that should exist between you and the person, or people, you’re talking to is the space that cultivates listening.
So let it all out. Everything. Leave it all out on the table.
And once you’re done yapping your mouth, shut up and listen.
#3 Don’t Do Anything
This might be the hardest part for some people for two reasons:
Having listened to the opinions and thoughts of those outside of ourselves, we might feel inclined to act on their feedback. We might feel so excited by the fact that we have opened ourselves up to people and have received a proposed course of action, that we want to jump at the chance to solve our problem.
People confuse not doing anything with waiting. But you’re not waiting. If you were waiting, then you’d still be doing something, right?
Don’t wait. Just be. This step is sort of meditative, really, so if this concept is foreign to you, now is the perfect chance to try it.
You might ask, Why is it important for me to not do anything? Didn’t you say that intentions don’t mean shit?
Patience, man. Slow your roll and we’ll get there. Obtaining peace of mind should not be treated like a race.
#4 Do The Thing
I can’t tell you how long it will take you to get to this step. You’ll just know.
I know, I hate when people say that too, but trust me, you’ll just know.
Use this step as a challenge to exercise your intuition.
Pro Tip: If after days or weeks of you not doing anything brings about a calmness of the mind, then it’s fair to say that you are ready.
Now what you are ready for exactly is up to you to determine.
The course of action is yours to make. In the end, your decision is your responsibility. Own it.
Thanks for reading!
If you’re at all curious as to what inspired this spontaneous blog post, click here to read a tweet I posted earlier this week on my own toxic behaviors and what I plan to do about them. I may post a more detailed blog post about my journey later, so stay tuned for that.
Finally, I’ll leave you with this musing—Pernicious habits are hard to kill. They lure you in and hold you captive like seductive sirens of the sea. Hope is not lost. Battles are won when we are strategic enough to learn how to fight. But it’s the will to fight that rests on you alone.